Day 1- Today I built my profile. I uploaded three of my best pictures, none of them recent so I hope my smile hasn't aged although my hair has grown. I received 12 matches right away which made me laugh. I wanted to email some immediately just to be silly but decided to be a lady and be chased. I chose to give those I gave thumbs up 24 hours before I wrote something... maybe.
Day 2- I woke up to an email invasion that began last night and went on until about 8pm tonight. It stressed me the heck out. Seeing all those new messages come through nonstop felt like a thousand screaming students trying to get my attention. I wanted to cover my ears and yell SHUT THE HELL UP!!! So I closed my laptop. All the profiles had started to sound the same, anyway. I couldn't differentiate one guy from another. I did, however, pinpoint two more qualities I didn't know I wanted from my future partner. I'm not sure I want to date an Asian or African American. The cultural differences might be too great for me to want to work with. Plus, I like the idea of being able to communicate with his parents and joke with his siblings in Spanish. Also, I am now sure I don't like sleeve or body tattoos. But what do I know. Ultimately, a higher being is going to decide who is best for me.
Day 3- I was very courteous by replying to most who sent emails--that was me trying to be open and not judge appearances too much. I know, too, that the wave of suitors will die soon.
I had one concern: because most of my matches are in their 30's and 40's, I pondered over their pictures with friends and family and couldn't help but feel like I'd be intruding in their lives if a relationship were to develop. These guys had lived almost half of their existence. I asked myself, How would I fit into his life now? Would his friends accept me? Would his family like me? Not only did I have to win him over, but everyone around him. Ugh! It was so draining just thinking about it...
Day 4- Today I received great advice from my friend Peter after I vented my online dating concerns. He said that sites like Match.com are just a tool for meeting people, and that's when a lot of the pressure came off. He made me rethink this whole experience. For a minute, it seemed less scary with the potential to be fun. He also told me it was okay to be selective. As previously stated, I didn't want to ax men based on their looks but as I scrolled through matched profiles, I just knew I could not look at some of those faces or bodies day in and day out. Unfortunately, and I feel like a snob saying this, but yes, I'm referring to chubby males like the one who wasn't embarrassed to bare his hairy chest for the site. Also, I was letting some 40+ dudes cut through but not anymore. I really thought about it. The older the men are than me, the longer I'm going to remain single because they will die before me. So no, I will stick with my 40 year old cutoff and hope for a younger one so we can die together. As of today, I might have one "date" with a could-be grandpa. I am neither happy nor proud of this statement.
Young Women Paired with Older Men
Why do guys insist on asking specifically where I live and if I live alone? Really? I guess they think I'm stupid like other women they have apparently met. They also want to know my real name and phone number so I can text them to say hi and tell them about my day. Why would I text a stranger about my day? Why would he care? I believe I need to meet him first in order to decide if I want him to be part of my life. #irritated
Day 5- I refuse to call meet-ups dates. They're not dates. I'm meeting these guys for the first time. That being said, I'm meeting two different males (they're also not guys since they're over 35) on two evenings, back to back. I'm not excited, maybe because I'm not attracted to them, but going back to my original thoughts, how will I know or not if there's a connection if I don't go out with them? My initial inclination was to go out with everyone who asked, but after these two set-ups, I'm going to have to start being selective. I was chatting with one who seemed nice but I'm already "booked" so let's see if he'll wait. I'm chatting with another one my age. The messages feel forced on his end but let's see if he'll also wait until I'm done with other plans.
Blah. One of my "dates" is acting like he's 16. He keeps messaging me to say hi and how he's the luckiest man in the world. The poor dude is basing these feelings on a mere cropped photograph of me. I've also gotten two, Good morning, sunshines, and I can't stand that.
Day 6- Every guy seems to say the same thing. "You're beautiful." "You have a beautiful smile." I get it, first impressions. But it's also unoriginal. I told my friend how I thought the older they got the more mature they'd be but no, they still act like 20 year olds waiting to get laid.
Had my first meeting today. Wasn't bad looking. Really smart. But no spark. Meh.
Day 7- Met up with a gentleman eleven years my elder. I feared he'd show up with flowers and he did. It was only a single white rose but I felt like Anna Nicole Smith walking into the bar and restaurant with the flower in my hand when there was no occasion to celebrate me. There wasn't much to talk about. I ranted for the sake of him having a reason to stare at me. He stroked my hand. And told me our meeting was fate. I need to ask a ton more questions to avoid unpleasant meet ups like this. I literally wanted to run out of there.
Day 8- How do you let a smitten man down? I didn't know. So I called the expert. My sister made it very clear that I must not use qualities that could be "fixed" in a subsequent meet-up as excuses to avoid going out again. I needed to express discontent with lack of chemistry and/or connection. And to end with, Good luck. I have a feeling it won't work but I gave it a try. We'll see.
Day 9- I do not like men I don't know calling me Babe, Sunshine, or Sweetheart.
Young Women Paired with Older Men
Why do guys insist on asking specifically where I live and if I live alone? Really? I guess they think I'm stupid like other women they have apparently met. They also want to know my real name and phone number so I can text them to say hi and tell them about my day. Why would I text a stranger about my day? Why would he care? I believe I need to meet him first in order to decide if I want him to be part of my life. #irritated
Day 5- I refuse to call meet-ups dates. They're not dates. I'm meeting these guys for the first time. That being said, I'm meeting two different males (they're also not guys since they're over 35) on two evenings, back to back. I'm not excited, maybe because I'm not attracted to them, but going back to my original thoughts, how will I know or not if there's a connection if I don't go out with them? My initial inclination was to go out with everyone who asked, but after these two set-ups, I'm going to have to start being selective. I was chatting with one who seemed nice but I'm already "booked" so let's see if he'll wait. I'm chatting with another one my age. The messages feel forced on his end but let's see if he'll also wait until I'm done with other plans.
Blah. One of my "dates" is acting like he's 16. He keeps messaging me to say hi and how he's the luckiest man in the world. The poor dude is basing these feelings on a mere cropped photograph of me. I've also gotten two, Good morning, sunshines, and I can't stand that.
Day 6- Every guy seems to say the same thing. "You're beautiful." "You have a beautiful smile." I get it, first impressions. But it's also unoriginal. I told my friend how I thought the older they got the more mature they'd be but no, they still act like 20 year olds waiting to get laid.
Had my first meeting today. Wasn't bad looking. Really smart. But no spark. Meh.
Day 7- Met up with a gentleman eleven years my elder. I feared he'd show up with flowers and he did. It was only a single white rose but I felt like Anna Nicole Smith walking into the bar and restaurant with the flower in my hand when there was no occasion to celebrate me. There wasn't much to talk about. I ranted for the sake of him having a reason to stare at me. He stroked my hand. And told me our meeting was fate. I need to ask a ton more questions to avoid unpleasant meet ups like this. I literally wanted to run out of there.
Day 8- How do you let a smitten man down? I didn't know. So I called the expert. My sister made it very clear that I must not use qualities that could be "fixed" in a subsequent meet-up as excuses to avoid going out again. I needed to express discontent with lack of chemistry and/or connection. And to end with, Good luck. I have a feeling it won't work but I gave it a try. We'll see.
Day 9- I do not like men I don't know calling me Babe, Sunshine, or Sweetheart.
Day 10- Keeping checking-in to a minimum. Replying to less and less men. Taking rain checks on a few offers. Might have a meeting tomorrow to determine missing "chemistry" before axing him. Have become completely picky with matches.
Day 11- Possible meet-up #2 with the hiker was a fail. He predicted he'd be too tired after work. I can take a hint. So I made it a Day of Me where I cleaned, cooked, and wrote. It was very relaxing, just what the doctor ordered.
Day 14- Guys lie about their age. Either that or marriage, kids, and divorce really ages them :/
Day 17- Men are stupid. One of the profiles said, "You must like sex." A keeper at age 40. Another stole a black and white modeling pic, one that had nothing to do with his name, BigDawg, or something like that, and set it as his profile. Counting down the days until I cancel my account. I know I can do it now but I'm trying to "close up" some "deals" without having to give away my number, which hasn't happened yet. Go me!
Day 18- Eek!
I just turned away a dude who seemed to be very sweet but never made a move.
Day 23- Two "dates." Call me a slut. I could tell the first would be a stubborn alpha male from his messages. When he stood up to greet me at the coffee place, the first thing I thought was, You're too skinny. I told my sister that his waist was as big as one of my thighs. I want to feel protected by a man's body, know that I'm safe emotionally and physically in his arms. That doesn't mean I want him to be overweight. But just like I discussed with my friend, he can't be skinnier or prettier than me because you pose the risk of losing him to another woman. I wouldn't say this guy was more attractive than me, although his unchangeable physique was a turn off. As we talked, there were several times I felt he cut me off to go through a questionnaire Match failed to incorporate into their system: Did I read books? What shows did I like to watch? I could feel the conversation coming to and end after hour number two and he obviously felt the same way because soon after he closed our meet-up with, Well, we both have things to do... Yes, yes I did, another meeting later and most likely so did he. We walked out and although it wasn't a deal breaker, he drove a Mustang. I concluded to my sister that he seemed more like a potential friend, someone to hang out with in L.A.
The second dude looked like he was still in high school despite being my age. His face was as soft and clear as a baby's bottom with a slight hint of a mustache coming in. He wore a plaid shirt with loose fitting jeans, just the way my male friends used in the year 2000. He had a baby face whose eyes could not lock with mine so I knew I'd have the upper hand if there was ever a relationship between us. When our food came, he stood up abruptly to wash his hands without formally excusing himself. I might have caught a, I'll be right back, but I just remember looking up and thinking, Where the hell is he going? He talked about his biology background and how he's always been a science geek. I tried keeping up with the terminology from his work but really had no idea what he was talking about. He downed his burger as if he'd been starving, leaving me with half of mine still on my plate. Then he ordered dessert which was the size of a small cake. I thought I was free after he paid the bill but he still wanted to get to know me. So we walked around the plaza's parking lot twice since there was no where else to go. We talked mostly about family before he dropped me off at my car. He asked for my contact info but I was very doubtful this was the guy for me. I don't know, I guess I wanted to feel a spark or expected either of these guys to be special if the conversation went on for six or seven hours, well into the night, losing track of time. Because my heart didn't go pitter-patter, I couldn't do it. I didn't give him my number.
Day 28- Today I cancelled my membership. It feels like a body was lifted off my shoulders. I didn't like the site and I told them so. I didn't like how there were no filters. I was being "matched" with people who shared my birth month, enjoyed eating out like me, and liked cats too. Those were the deep connections Match raved about establishing within its members. Also, my preferences, especially age, ethnicity, or having kids were not respected, like men my father's age liking my profile and sending me winks. Anyone and everyone got through. I couldn't believe I paid for a service that made it easier for men of all walks of life to approach me; it was 100% worse than going to a bar or a club. I had assumed that paying for an actual dating site would have improved the quality of guys to go out with. But as always, the guys I liked never contacted me.
One aspect of this experience I didn't consider before starting was how much time you had to invest into reading, skimming, and axing profiles. I learned quickly that I simply had no patience for it. I felt unproductive being on Match, much like using Facebook. I didn't want to spend my vacation on a computer. I wanted to be out, living, experiencing, exploring with my friends, my sister, and my family. I didn't want to waste time having brunch or dinner with men I did not know rather than people I actually liked. I realized after the last two outings that I no longer wanted to take another moment from my break to be with strangers. Either this was the wrong site for me or I just wasn't open to the idea of online dating yet. It was probably a little bit of both. I know these types of sites are going to remain popular so if I ever feel the need to head in this direction again, I'll know which route not to take.
---> #WINNING
One aspect of this experience I didn't consider before starting was how much time you had to invest into reading, skimming, and axing profiles. I learned quickly that I simply had no patience for it. I felt unproductive being on Match, much like using Facebook. I didn't want to spend my vacation on a computer. I wanted to be out, living, experiencing, exploring with my friends, my sister, and my family. I didn't want to waste time having brunch or dinner with men I did not know rather than people I actually liked. I realized after the last two outings that I no longer wanted to take another moment from my break to be with strangers. Either this was the wrong site for me or I just wasn't open to the idea of online dating yet. It was probably a little bit of both. I know these types of sites are going to remain popular so if I ever feel the need to head in this direction again, I'll know which route not to take.
---> #WINNING
