I'm going going, back back, to...

...Rowan Elementary?

That's right. After 18 years, I stepped on the familiar territory of the elementary school I attended as a child. I accompanied my mother to my first alma mater where she drops and picks up the neighbor's daughter. My purpose: to say hello to my former second grade teacher, Mrs. Valido.

Rowan Elementary

I first met Mrs. Valido in 1989 as Mrs. Abbasi. I remember her well because she had a unique name. She was young and I was glad to be in her classroom because it wasn't a combination class like I had been a part of the previous school year.

I enjoyed watching her interacting with the teacher next door. They seemed to be very good friends. I remember a particular incident when Mrs. Abbasi asked the other teacher if she noticed something different about her. Her friend couldn't figure it out. Mrs. Abbasi gave up and finally told her that her braces had been removed. I felt bad because I hadn't noticed either. In 1990, Mrs. Abbasi changed her name to Mrs. Valido with no explanation to us kids. I don't recall anyone questioning her about it either because we loved her for her, not her name.

A day before the school's traditional Cinco de Mayo celebration, she told me to ask my mom if she would french braid her hair for the occasion; my mom always braided my hair which Mrs. Valido had become a fan of. I related the message to my mother but she didn't take it seriously. Mrs. Valido was waiting anxiously for my mom to do her hair when she dropped me off in class the day of the event.

I was Mrs. Valido's personal helper sometimes. There was one occasion when I let her down. She asked me to color a page with a bear under a sky with a few puffy clouds hovering above. I think she was going to use it as a certificate after she added fancy lettering like many teachers did in the 90s. I was filling in the second cloud with a light shade of blue when Mrs. Valido stopped me. She told me that clouds weren't blue but white. I knew this but opted for the blue clouds because it was easier to color them instead of half the page that made up the sky. She asked the other kids what they thought but none of them seemed to have noticed my mistake so she allowed me to continue. I learned a very valuable lesson that day: never color clouds blue.

My favorite memory of second grade was the autograph book. Mrs. Valido taught us how to make it from scratch at the end of the school year. I didn't understand the purpose until my classmates started writing notes but enjoyed the process nonetheless. I loved it and expected to have a keepsake every year after that but the other teachers never bothered. 

Me in 1990. Don't ever braid your daughter's hair the night before picture day.

Mrs. Valido in 1990

I befriended Mrs. Valido on Facebook a few years back. I sent her a note just in case she didn't recognize my profile picture and to my surprise, she knew exactly who I was. I took the liberty to ask about  the name change and she explained her reasoning, twenty-two years later (Personal details. You understand, right?). That's when I also found out that we share the same birthday! She invited me to come to her class but I never made the time. It wasn't until my mom bumped into her when she picked up the neighbor about a month ago that Mrs. Valido requested my visit "or else." Since I was spending the week with my parents, I knew the time had come for me to go back. 

I drive by Rowan Avenue at least twice a month en route to my parent's house. It looks exactly the same except for a recent paint job. The two playgrounds still house the same equipment--basketball courts, tether balls, volleyball nets, handball walls, and the collapsing wooden storage for the balls, jump ropes, chinese jump ropes, and bean bags. But I hadn't stepped inside the structure since my sixth grade ceremony in 1994. The cement stairs to the main building and the auditorium looked the same; I was surprised that it didn't look smaller than I remembered it because things that I considered big as a kid are not so when I encounter them now. The floor in the hallway was still composed of the shiny, brown squared blocks I walked on almost two decades ago and I felt sad that the school hadn't been kept up or remodeled. The only thing missing was the glass display case where my picture for Writer of the Month would be displayed. Book reports, test scores, and different types of art hung on the walls instead.  

The auditorium where Oscar De La Hoya once stood for an assembly

I followed my mom through the main building. The library wasn't the library anymore but a parent center and the nurse's office still served its purpose. We stepped outside and headed towards the bungalows where my mother waits for the neighbor after school. I took the liberty of walking further to check out the covered eating area and yup, you guessed right, it had also remained untouched. My mom gave me Mrs. Valido's room number inside the main building and suggested I go back to find her while she waited for the little girl. I retraced my steps and waited as my former teacher spoke with several parents. I couldn't believe how nervous I was. My heart beat faster as three parents winded down to two and then one. I guess I was excited to tell Mrs. Valido, Look at me! I am who I am because of you! When she was finally available, I opened up with this line:

Me: Hi. I wanted to inquire about my child.

Mrs. Valido: Okay. Who is your child?

I told her that I was joking and asked if she recognize me. With open arms, Mrs. Valido said my name and embraced me. I took a look around as we talked. I was taken aback when I noticed how similar our classrooms were. She even gave me a mini-lesson on a reading strategy she uses with her second graders to develop comprehension. One of her students walked into the classroom and Mrs. Valido explained to him that I had been her student many moons ago. When he left he said, "Bye, teachers." I couldn't believe that I was standing next to Mrs. Valido as her equal now, as an educator. It used to be my dream and it had come true. 

I heard my mother outside and knew it was time to go. Mrs. Valido had a grade-level meeting to attend anyway so she put on her lipstick and we posed for a couple of pictures. I promised to come back more often during my off-track time and we parted ways. 

Mrs. Valido and me, 2012

Stepping inside my elementary school was bitter-sweet. I missed the innocent days where my biggest worry was writing a book report. But I felt saddened that its appearance hadn't changed since it opened its doors in 1912 (a banner outside stated this fact). Luckily, though, Mrs. Valido hadn't changed much since 1990 either. Perhaps Rowan Avenue elementary concocts its own the anti-aging solution in the basement...

Oscar No-Show

Leo and I headed to the Temecula Valley on Saturday but not because we were in the mood to sip wine. That would have been too romantic. Instead, we went to Pechanga because I wanted to stalk Oscar De La Hoya. I saw billboards along the 215 freeway promoting Golden Boy Promotions a few weeks ago and bought tickets for the fights to be featured on Telefutura.

Boxing has been a part of my life since childhood. This doesn't mean I enjoyed watching the sport as much as I did watching and playing baseball. My uncle was a huge Julio Cesar Chavez fan and we'd gather in front of his humongous television and cheer on the Mexican fighters. I was more in tune with the sport after Oscar De La Hoya came to visit my elementary school after he won the gold medal in the 1992 Olympics. Ms. Tomomitsu, my fifth grade teacher, told us that we were going to go to the auditorium to listen to a boxer. To me, boxers were old men like Chavez and I didn't understand why someone like him would come and talk to us. But the idea was better than staying in the classroom and learning about states and presidents. I had no idea who Oscar was when he came out. I continued to believe that  he was an older man because he was wearing a helmet or a mask. I think it might have been the face guard boxers wear when they spar. As soon as he took it off, all of the girls in my class fell in love while I just fell into a crush. He was wearing his gold medal and he talked about being from East L.A. just like us and attending Garfield High School just like we would in a couple of years. During the Q&A session, the administrator chose one of my friends, a class bully. My buddy asked Oscar if he had a girlfriend because she had an older sister for him. Shows you bullies can be considerate. At the end of the assembly, his people passed around copies of his autographed Olympics picture which I'm sure is boxed somewhere in my parent's garage.

Born in East L.A.: me, Oscar De La Hoya, Cheech Marin

I am now further connected to the sport because my boyfriend is a boxing fanatic and guru. He too was a Chavez fan and wished he could have made boxing his career. He boxed for a time as a teenager and then took on the sport again in college as an exercise regime. We almost broke up soon after we got together because I was a De La Hoya fan and so was my family. Leo was at my house when we watched our first boxing bout together, Oscar versus Fernando Vargas. Oscar took out Vargas in a corner in a beautifully executed manner. My mom and I screamed with joy while Leo sunk into the couch where he growled at me if I directed a word to him.

I've been to the Staples Center twice and sat in luxury box seats.  I've sipped the complimentary beer and munched on chips and popcorn as I watched fighters take on their opponents on the big screen. You see, the box seats are way up high and the ring looks the size of a, well, ring, like those that fit on our fingers. So we were forced to watch the punches from the big screen, without the background noise of the commentators or Letterman's score card. In actuality, one is better off watching the action from the comfort of our own homes.

You can meet celebrities at the Staples Center, big deal. (With Bernardo Osuna)

I told ya, free beer. Pictures don't lie.

See, little ring.

But this time it was different. Oscar would potentially be 30 miles from my home and I couldn't let the opportunity of meeting him escape. I bought two general admission tickets and planned an outfit around my Mervyn's-bought Oscar De La Hoya '92 tee. I'm not kidding. I got black skinny pants from G-Stage last week for $16.99 because my black jeans are fading. Then I found a pair of beautiful Jessica Simpson shoes half off at DSW. My attire was done. The only thing missing were the accessories and I wanted to play off the red outline of the letters on my shirt. I had red hoops and a red bracelet, but I needed a ring. Luckily I found one on sale at Macy's and I was ready to go.

"You are beautiful, no matter what they say, words can't bring you down.."

Since I'm on vacation and not doing anything fancy, I warned Leo that we were going to seize this outing to have a nice dinner before meeting Oscar. We arrived at Pechanga and decided to dine at Paisano's, an Italian restaurant. I've had dinner at said eatery in Rancho Cucamonga but the menus were different. Nonetheless, the food was delectable. We started with the cheapest wines on the menu, White Zinfandel for me and Pinot Noir for him. Then I ordered cheese and spinach ravioli in pesto sauce and Leo got the rigatoni bolognese. Oh man, oh man, was that food scrumptious! I took a bite out of my ravioli and almost melted. Then I dug into Leo's dish and almost fainted. Pasta had never tasted so delicious. For the first time in my life, I allowed another person to eat off of my plate because I wanted to eat off of theirs. I should have taken a picture but I'm trying to quit taking pictures of food so I can upload them and enjoy it instead of making you jealous.

Me with my t-shirt and wine. The restaurant was beautiful.

Next, we headed to our feature presentation. I had imagined a large arena like the Staples Center but it turned out to be a ring in the middle of a banquet room. Even though we were nine rows behind the  ring, the view was excellent--close enough to see all of the action but far enough from the boxer's sweat that showers the audience with every punch. 

Fools in front of us who paid $20 more for "reserved" seating.

I think I look slim here :)

There were six fights scheduled, most of them only four rounds. The folks sitting next to us asked a worker if Oscar was going to be there and she had no clue. Women, I tell you. She said he has made appearances before but didn't know if he'd be present that night. I made it my mission to stalk the first couple of rows around the ring for Oscar's baby-face throughout the night. But he was a no-show. I had even towed my Sharpie so he could autograph my shirt. Then I would have a reason to put it in a 3D frame that I could find at the swap meet to display it in, like some girls do with their over-paid Quinceañera keepsakes. Oscar De La Hoya was MIA, but I found another idol of mine, Mr. Tae-Bo himself, Sir Billy Blanks.

See the cap? Billy is under it.

I'm not going to complain because I didn't get to meet Oscar and steal him away from Millie. I had a great time with my boyfriend. And now I can have sweet Paisano's Italiano dreams....

My Personal Stylist

My friend Sophia entered a fashion competition called Project Style at our local outdoor mall on Thursday. She was given one hour and $200 to put an outfit together. She asked me to be her model because she just gave birth two weeks ago although she already looks great. I accepted the challenge of being on stage in front of a lot of strangers, celebrity judges and hosts like Ellen K from KIIS FM, and walking a short runway. The prize was $1,000.

Mi estilista y yo

Hair- me
Make-up- MAC, but Sophia was the director
Earrings- $9 from Macy's
Collar- $11 from Macy's
Blouse- $29 from Macy's
Bracelet- $9 from Macy's
Purse- $20 from Macy's
Skirt- $80 from Guess
Shoes- $22 from Macy's

There were five competitors. When Ellen K asked an audience member for her favorite style, the lady pointed to us. She called the skirt I was wearing "a classic." When Ellen K asked one of the judges for her pick, the girl also complimented my attire. So when Ellen K was given the results and said there was a unanimous decision, I almost started jumping up and down for Sophia. But Sophia's name was not projected through the speakers.  The d-list celebrity judges voted for a girl whose style I later compared to Kim Kardashian: striped pencil skirt, white racer-back blouse, waist-high belt, faux leather jacket, and sky-rise high pumps. Her attire was typical of what you see on female A-listers on late night interviews. Nothing new. Nothing unique. Nothing that would set her apart from the rest. Sophia might not have won the money, but the endless amount of compliments we received inside and outside the VIP lounge were as good one-thousand dollars. A little girl approached me before the competition to tell me that I was very pretty and another asked me if it was okay to take a picture with me after the event. That is how a real stylist gets paid.

 

My look from behind (Victoria Gardens Facebook)

I'm sure this was the judge looking straight at me, admiring Sophia's styling techniques (Victoria Gardens Facebook)

Contestants, Ellen K, and the winner second to last (Victoria Gardens Facebook)

My friend Esmeralda came to show support

Candid moment

Leo: "I thought this was a style competition." He couldn't come to terms as to why Sophia didn't win.

There were two perks to helping Sophia out. One, we were told by the guy working at Guess that we looked like "out of towners." We giggled like middle school girls when he said that. His words were the ultimate compliment because that meant that we are different, not a production of the mall "conveyor belt," as it was once put in Gilmore Girls. Sophia and I create our own fashion rules, whether it be make-up, hair, or clothing, and we appreciate knowing that our efforts are admired. Two, I got to keep all of the clothes! I guess I had to keep the attire because they fit my body but Sophia didn't even want to take the jewelry for herself. Thank you very much, friend.

If anyone is having difficulties putting an outfit together for any occasion, you can borrow my stylist Sophia at a charge. She will also most likely have what you need hanging in her closet, but rentals are extra.

Read about the master herself at http://lasophialasophia.blogspot.com/2012/09/project-style-fno.html.

Sneak Peek

Project Style 2012

Bowling, Dancing, and Green Masks... Oh my!

My friends decided to come to me last weekend. While some live only ten minutes away, the others are an hour or six, depending on their method of transportation. I had two pending parties scheduled but it was easy to give them up for a rare weekend with my girls.

The fun started on Friday night with a triple-date. Suzanna, Maria, and I, along with our significant others, met up at a Thai restaurant where the laughs quickly started. These girls have been making tears roll down my face since 2004. I actually met Maria first at our college Chicano graduation. We were sitting next to each other in alphabetical order. There was a classmate breaking the record for the world's longest speech on the stage when Maria made a joke about it. I turned to my left and giggled with her. Then I made another witty comment about the girl at the podium and Maria laughed too. That's when I thought, I like this girl. She's pretty damn funny. She made the ceremony bearable but I didn't expect to come across her again. So it was a very pleasant surprise for me when she walked into the course I was taking to get my teaching credential. She introduced me to her best friend Suzanna, who was just as quirky, and the rest was history. I am thankful now that I didn't own a car or possess a driver's license then because I wouldn't have built the friendship we have had they not driven me to our student-teaching site for four months.



Round two: bowling. Check out our nails! As colorful as we are.

 

Then we graduated, again. Our busy adult lives inevitably took effect and now we only see each other a few times a year. But I can assure you that we make up for lost time by laughing all night. Actually, if you ever want to see me smiling constantly, just take me to these two girls. You won't even recognize me...

Round three: dancing. A Selena potpourri gets us going every time.

On Saturday, I headed to my parent's house in L.A. to see my sister. She carpooled with two other So Cal girls also living in Nor Cal. I had not seen her since May when I flew to Oakland. It's a shame that we live so far away because it's difficult to build a relationship through email or phone messages. But we are trying. We had a quiet evening as a family and then got really crazy when we decided to put on a tea tree oil mask, sip on the new lime-a-ritas I bought at Food-4-Less with 8% alcohol volume per each eight ounce can, and watch a movie. We knocked out during the latter half of Moneyball. It's a great movie, don't get me wrong, exhaustion simply took over.



Lack of sleep + drink with 8% alcohol = this

And last but not least, I met up with another friend of mine on Sunday who also ditched me for Nor Cal after she graduated with her B.A. I met Yesica as a sophomore in college. She was one of my residents when I was a staff member. We joined folklórico and eventually became teachers in opposite ends of the state. We also ran a close race completing grad school. Her life is now complete-- husband, baby, house, dog, career. I never expected her to wait for me until I caught up with her in relation to these aspects of life but I am very happy for her.

Baby was all smiles when the camera was off, I swear.

I hate spending so little time with these girls. The only thing I can do is seize the precious moments we do share. In between visits, I have to remember to utilize my phone and Facebook the way they were intended to: to keep in touch with my best friends.

How To Lose a Pound in Eight Days

Before you start this significant weight loss program, you have to agree to throw your weekly regime out the door. You must ensure eight blissful days off Super Woman duties to get rid of any excess stress that is scientifically proven to increase fat or inches or numbers on a scale. This includes but is not limited to a Curves workout, blogging, laundry (with the exception of bed sheets because the extreme temperatures will have made you sweat right through them), cleaning, and calling your mother for unnecessary reasons other than the standard Wednesday call. You will not see any results if your body, mind, and spirit don't find a guilt-free place.

Are you ready now? Let's go!

Day 1: On Monday, meet up with your significant other at the Old Spaghetti Factory. Throw on the little black dress you've been hanging on to for emergencies and walk in your stilettos like a high-end hooker towards the bar fifteen minutes prior to the scheduled time. Order a Factory Punch and pretend to watch NBC on the big screen. Relax your shoulders. Perhaps you'll attract the attention of the opposite sex (or the same sex if that's your preference) to build up your self-esteem and make you more desirable when your partner walks in, creating a win-win situation for all. At the table, remember first-date etiquette--be attentive, look into his eyes as he speaks, ask a lot of questions, and tell him your opinion. Execute your manners by not finishing your spaghetti with rich meat sauce. This will take will-power but remember, you won't have to cook later on in the week.

Day 2: On Tuesday, pick up Papa John's pizza for you and your significant other. Not only will he appreciate the impromptu pizza and beer night but love you more for it because that's exactly what he had mentioned craving on Monday night.

Day 3: On Wednesday, stay home and reheat that OSF meal. Then, sit on that couch that you never utilize and watch local programming instead of your Gilmore Girls DVD collection. Don't be embarrassed to laugh out loud at the morons on Wipeout.

Day 4: Work overtime on Thursday so it will become too late to cook. Head to your local Jack in the Box with your man. Order a chicken sandwich with tomato, small fries, and a small drink from the Value Menu. Chew slowly so you can stay full longer.  This will also cause your man to regret his $5.99 burger meal and crave the cheap stuff because you made it look so damn scrumptious.

Day 5: On Friday, head to the Colorado River for the weekend to relieve yourself of the 107-degree weather. Snack on a cheeseburger from McDonald's while you watch a wind storm touch down around you on the I-10. The atomic-bomb looking cloud to your right and the limited visibility before you will distract you, causing Sparky, your man's best friend, to steal a lick of your burger's last bite. But don't worry. This will only give you an excuse to dig into the bag for yet another cheeseburger to make up for the lost piece.

The atomic-bomb cloud

You won't be driving, but you will be paying attention to the road as if you were.

When you arrive at your humble lodging, have some home-made refried beans and flour tortillas; there is nothing like comfort food. Later, head to your local Albertson's to prepare for your Colorado River trip-- a small bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos that fit into your purse so you won't have to share with the children in your significant other's family, a Family Size bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos for the kids, cherries, oranges, and water.

The wind storm will touch down where you decided to rest and wake you up at 5am.

Day 6: On Saturday, have some Honey Nut Cheerios for breakfast. The fresh milk will balance out your body temperature. Soon after, grab the Family Size bag of chips you bought because it's on the table. Suck on a couple of those while you watch TV. Around noon, ask your man to make you a ham sandwich. Make it a balanced meal by washing some cherries and keeping the Hot Cheetos close at hand. Around three, have carne con chile with more beans and a flour tortilla. By four, you'll be ready to head to the river with a full stomach. This will allow you to pack light. Tow a couple of bottles of water, the sack of oranges, and the cherries you purchased last night to help keep you hydrated.

What the river will look like

Child's play toys left behind

Children's footprints will seem cute in 116-degree weather

The rainbow you'll see when you get home, which will be replaced by lightning within a couple of minutes

Once home, have Pizza Hut pizza in the cooled down 110-degree temperature outdoors. You will only have one slice of pepperoni because the Cheetos have filled you up like a blimp. That will not stop you from downing an Oreo shake from Carl's Jr., though. Then, take a shower and watch Big Miracle because it is a "feel good" film. And don't forget to grab your Cheetos.

Day 7: On Sunday, grab another bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios before heading to church. You've fainted before and don't want to take away the attention of the locals on your weekend excursion. Ignore the cell phone ringing in the pew behind you but do give the man an annoyed look when he answers. Shake your head when he answers a second time but remember that God is the only one allowed to judge him. After mass, follow the crowd to Denny's and order the Grand Slamwich. You might have never been a sausage fan before but you will change your disposition after your first bite. Help it go down with a strawberry lemonade. Back at your resting quarters, eat a few more Cheetos before hiding the bag away for good. At 3pm, have a grilled chicken leg, three tostadas with the chile rojo, and another flour tortilla to go with more beans because it'll be months before you have another meal like that again.

Day 8: On Monday, return to your regular schedule. Eat oatmeal for breakfast, a snack-size amount of Planter's Energy Mix nuts, Lean Cuisine for lunch, cherries as a second snack, a Fiber One granola bar after work, and 3/4 cup of Special K Vanilla Almond cereal before heading to Curves. Complete the 30-minute workout, stretch, do 60 crunches, and then hold your breath as you step on the scale. You did it! You lost one pound without even trying! Your five-foot, seven-inch frame hadn't weighed 134 since high school. That is something to be proud of.

Repeat every couple of months.

(Disclaimer: Individual results not typical and will vary. If you decide to commit to this non-diet program, make sure you partake in the activities mentioned above in temperatures that exceed 100 degrees to increase your chances.)

Building Character

I just went to my six-month dental check-up and the first thing the dentist told the assistant to jot in my file was, "Ortho, ortho, ortho."  It happens every six months.  A new dentist sees me and refers me to the orthodontist.  I give the same response every time: I've already seen him...twice.  Not interested.

I have always been aware of my need for braces.  In second grade, my top left central incisor came out before my baby one had fallen out.  As a result, the new one pushed the baby one outward. The rows of teeth I was acquiring caused my teacher concern.

"You need to go to the dentist," she said.
I've been conscious about my teeth ever since.

I visited the dentist as a kid a couple of times.  I remember the negative-looking x-rays that used to be hung on a lit wall-hanging and the pain of getting fillings even after getting shot with a dose of anesthesia.  But it wasn't until I was in high school and in love with one of the football players that I started to desire a perfect smile so I could possibly, perhaps, maybe have the balls to approach him.  I had an ortho consultation and got an estimate of the cost but my dad said he couldn't afford it.  To hold me over what were supposed to be the best years of my life, a dentist filled in a yellowing tooth with a cavity, my top left latelar incisor.  My improved smile didn't get me the guy but it did postpone my want for braces for over a decade.

A few years ago, I noticed a trend within women my age.  Three of my friends were being mistaken for teenagers after obtaining shiny metal contraptions in their mouths.  They were finally tackling an aesthetic issue their fathers couldn't afford in the 90s either.  So I considered braces again, not wanting to be featured in the last page of a fashion magazine with a black bar across my eyes for failing to follow the latest style.  I saw an ortho for the second time but was deterred by talk of permanent retainers.  Knowing I'd have to wear retainers to sleep for the rest of my life was one deal breaker. A second was the two-year commitment followed by the thousands of dollars I was going to have to shell out.  I was in grad school at the time and used that as an excuse as to why I couldn't afford them then.  But since I graduated, I say that I'm saving the money for a down payment on a house. 

The truth is that my teeth don't bother me that much anymore.  After another dentist touched up my yellow tooth in January, I felt they way I assume people feel when they have their braces removed.  I felt confident, relieved that I no longer had to look down when I laughed to hide my most obvious dental imperfection, and thankful for not just having one "good side" anymore when it came to getting my picture taken.  My bottom teeth are the ones that are crooked anyway and since you can't notice them in pictures, I let go of the braces idea.  My previous dentist told me straightening my teeth would help flossing and cleaning, etcetera, etcetera, but those were my healthiest teeth and gums according to my last visit.  Plus, if celebrities choose to live with crooked teeth, so can I, a regular person with a regular job doing regular things.

Take the most famous one, for example, Jewel.  I still have her first album, Pieces of You.  I remember being in ninth grade when my best friend Aurora gave me the cassette for my birthday inside a jewelry box. Get it?  Jewel in a jewelry box? Moving right along....She is infamous for her crooked teeth.  I think it was her who was quoted saying that messed-up teeth builds character.  I'm going to take her advice and run with it.  I know she recently tweeted a picture with straight choppers but the way I understood it, she was sporting that smile for a movie role only. 

My next example might be hard to believe, but Scarlett Johansson caught my eye in The Avengers, and not because she had an enviable body in that leather costume.  One of her lateral incisors is overlapping a front tooth and that was I all could focus on whenever she appeared in a scene.

If you look closely, you'll see what I'm talking about.  I think she pouts so she can hide it but she couldn't escape my eye.

And last but not least, there is Will Farrell, who shares my problem: a crooked set of lower pearly whites.  His are worse than mine.  It was hard not to notice them in Step Brothers.  Here's a bad looking scene. 

And with that, I leave you with a picture of my friend and me.  We have probably spent the equivalent of a set of braces on other dental procedures without the need of twisted wires, rubber bands, or retainers.  I consider ourselves lucky.

What crooked teeth??? We are flawless!